okay, so i'm really starting to believe that men and women speak different languages... let me put a different twist on it... sometimes, i think men have no idea what they're saying and how it comes across to women... i'm sure the opposite is true, but i'd have to take a man's word for it, considering i'm not a guy...
3 stories to illustrate... these are all related to school... translation - these are men who are in ministry talking... the names have been concealed to protect the innocent... er... to protect those involved anyway... (if you're one of the people involved, i'm sorry... but i was overwhelmed with it today and wanted to blog about it - but i didn't use names!!)
1) a friend of mine (girl) was in class and the professor was talking about giving an invitation and was talking about personal space issues... then he went on to talk about a lady during an invitation one time who was emotional and as she was coming down front, she was gaining speed and almost knocked him over - and he looked at my friend and said, "well, she'd have been no taller than you... but she was petite..." what? are you kidding me?? when she told me, i cried with her... not that this particular professor was trying to be insensitive at all... he probably had no idea what he had said... and it probably didn't phase the rest of the class (which happened to be made up of only guys and my friend)...
2) today i woke up feeling bad and was relieved that my first class was cancelled... i went and got my haircut and bought a book - and got back to school and walked in the student center... someone asked how i was feeling, and i said, "much better" and a guy friend was sitting there and said, "well, i wouldn't really be able to tell by looking at you..." what? are you kidding me?? he said he was joking - and i'm sure he was... but still...
3) right after #2 story happened, a friend asked me the definition of a word... and i told him to look it up in the dictionary or on dictionary.com (one of my favorite websites)... and then i said... "ooh, here's a movie quote"... and i gave the quote (amy, i'm sure you know which one - as it relates to a dictionary)... none of the guys knew it... and i gave them a clue - it has my favorite actor in it... and then it started a discussion about actors and actresses and movies... (which are some of my favorite topics to discuss)... i was asking if they had seen certain movies and saying random knowledge about john and joan cusack and their dad and jeremy piven... and one of the guys looks at me and says, "do you study? work? how do you know all this stuff? how do you have time to watch so many movies?" and another guy looks at him and says, "she's single." i tried to laugh it off, but it really hurt my feelings... am i single because i love movies and have time to know all this stuff (amy, are we screwed?) or do i love movies and know all this stuff because i'm single? i confronted him about it later - and he said it's not what he meant... and we talked about it... and i know him well enough to know that is not what he meant... so it's fine... but it doesn't change the fact that in that instant, it hurt... just like it had hurt when someone said they couldn't tell if i was sick or not by my face... and just like it hurt my friend when the guy said in so many words, "you're fat..."
there's a particular comment i hear a lot... "i only pick on you because i care about you..." i can understand - i know that i do that sometimes, too... but seriously, what kind of logic is that? "i care about you, so i'll pick on you and hurt your feelings and expose things that aren't comfortable in your life and make you vulnerable to the point of discomfort in order to show you that i care... and i'm just kidding, anyway..." but then if i bring it up, it makes the person feel bad for picking on me, and they walk on egg shells in order to not say something that might hurt my feelings and they're not their true self... so i guess it's a vicious cycle with no end... and in all actuality, i'd rather have the picking than no interaction at all... like i said... no end...
and i feel like i've stereotyped all guys into one category - and that's not what i'm trying to do at all... i just think that sometimes, in our communication, especially with members of the opposite sex, things get miscommunicated or misunderstood... and that can be very hurtful if not handled or taken in the right manner... as long as i understand that most of the males in my life pick on me, i can (most of the time) be okay with it and take it in stride... and understand that it's part of our relationship whether i like it or not... okay so i'm probably rambling, so i'll stop now... but i'm open to comments on the subject... from both perspectives...
and for the record, i referenced two quotes - both said by john cusack - in this blog entry...
"boy this is a mother dictionary" and...
"did i listen to pop music because i was miserable or was i miserable because i listened to pop music?"
i know this because i'm single... :) (just kidding!!)
Big Boo Cast: Episode 436
11 hours ago
Posts
3 comments:
you rock my face off! and no, i don't think we're screwed!
i think that while we can "get over it" and move on with the realization that people don't really mean what they say, it doesn't take away the hurt brought by the words... i have been noticing that alot these days.. in fact i have been the one saying the bad thing... i told jon that he was un-handy. while i said it in jest, he took it VERY personally. i felt horrible once he called me on it. and realized that we all have things that people can touch on that are very significant to us. geez.. whats the deal with words anyways..
oh! i got your postcard yesterday!! it made my day! thanks so much!! i really want to concoct a way to come see you soon.
xoxo,
marie
Where to start.
Well in refrence to communication, big time difference, because there is a big time difference between guys and girls. guys are used to hanging out with guys, who when they say something can shrug it off because thet think along the same lines, same goes for girls. The point is were different so we think differently about what we say and how it will affect others, but that does not excuse calling a girl fat or calling someone single it all comes down to common sense. The golden rule do unto others as you would have them do to you, think before you speak, Believe me it's a lesson i've learned and it helps alot.!!!!
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